Divorce is never an easy experience to go through. It leaves a lot of scars and can fill you a lot of trauma in dating someone new. You will have a lot of trust issues and anything can trigger you to remember about your spouse. You might end up comparing your date to your ex and both of you will not be able to enjoy your date. That is why you will have to prepare yourself before you date after divorce. Fortunately enough for you, there are a lot of online dating services that helped a lot of divorcees to ease back into the dating game after divorce. That is why there is no real reason to wallow yourself up in fear or in a lifetime of singleness – unless this is a choice you made for your kids.
Preparations you need to do before you go out and date again after divorce
This is the most important time you need to take for yourself. It will do you no good to jump into the bandwagon of dating after divorce, no matter how you think you are unscathed from the experience. You see, if you have gone through divorce, you have more risk to divorce in your second marriage. So you have to be sure you are in the perfect frame of mind if you date again after divorce.
Prep Up #1: Take your time
You have to take your time to take in this new status of your life. After years of being with someone, you have to take time to asses and enjoy your being single. You have to find yourself again. You have to enjoy being with friends as unattached. Feel all the advantages of being single, something you have lost when you have decided to commit yourself with someone.
This sense of freedom after divorce can be overwhelming. You might get overwhelmed with the responsibilities you have to take on your own. And there is this loneliness too. No matter how pleasant or unpleasant your divorce was, you will still need to contend with the loneliness that comes after a divorce. And so, you have to take time to take all this newness in; to enjoy them; to get used to being single; to find yourself individuality all over again.
Prep Up #2: Evaluate your situation
What do you have or no longer have after divorce? You don’t have your spouse with you, that one is obvious enough. Do you have kids? If so, this is another factor you have to prep up before you date again. If you have a lot of concerns you have to deal with them one by one before you even think about dating. You don’t want to dump the baggage on your date’s shoulder. If you date again, you have to be certain that this is for fun. However, don’t fool yourself that there is no string attached in this fun. Often times, dating again means you are out searching for someone you can be with and perhaps get married with someday. So clean up first. Assess your emotions and your present situation to prepare for you to date again.
Prep Up #3: Shake off that stress before you go out for your first date
When you started mingling again with the opposite sex and found yourself agreeing to a date, you will need to calm those nerves. Sure, you have spent time preparing and slaying those demons that haunted your marriage before. But these do not go away just because you tell them so. That is why you have to check if everything is cool before your first date. One important thing that you need to do in preparing yourself to date again is to test the waters if you are truly ready. Most often first dates after the divorce fall under this category. So don’t bang yourself on the wall if your first date falls short of your expectation.
Prep Up #4: Keep your kids at the close tab on what you are up to
Another thing you have to prepare is your kids. Next to you, they are the ones who are most affected by the divorce and might take a lot longer to recover from the experience. While you don’t really need to mope around to wait for them to adjust, it is best to talk to them and make them understand how you feel. However, don’t expect them to accept or understand your need to date again. But as long as they know, they will be able to come to terms with it the best way they can. This is much better than they will you are dating again for some other people.
Rules in dating again after divorce
When you are in the dating game again, you have to be sure you put in some rules. This way you don’t make a blunder out of your love life again and soon enough you are facing another divorce in your hands.
Rule #1: Take it slow
If you don’t take time to know the person first. While you don’t want to make the same mistakes you did before, you will also need to avoid comparing every person you date with your ex. It is best to wait and have fun before you take on another lifetime commitment.
Rule #2: Be with people who understand your situation
It is also best to date those who have gone through your experience. These people will not like getting impatient if you are wary around them. You can easily find these kinds of dates on online dating services so don’t have to spend so much time in bars just to look for dates.
Rule #3: Have a frequent evaluation for our intentions
When you find yourself alone, take this opportunity to know just why you are dating again. Is it out of loneliness? Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is it because you are bored or there is something you want to prove? It doesn’t really matter what your reasons are but as long as you know why you date again, you will be able to resonate confidence. This will also help you to be honest with your future date and share your reasons for dating.
Rule #4: Don’t wear the phrase “Just Divorced” over your shoulder
If you date too soon after a divorce, you might look desperate for a friend to console you. The thing is that, nobody would want to babysit a desperate divorced person. Don’t share your status too soon for your dates as they may think you are still linking your wounds and that would mean they are on a rebound.
Rule #5: Have fun
And beyond everything else, have fun. You go out there again and back in the game because you want to prove to yourself that you are still attractive and lovable. But this might make you feel the pressure of this need. So instead of making this as a conquest, make this an experience of meeting other people. Be sincere in knowing them and enjoy your date as a person.
How online dating services helps to ease your way back into the dating world?
One of the most convenient things internet provides to dating today is it allowed those who just went through to the trauma of divorce to find their feet in the dating game. One of the most difficult adjustments a person has to go through after a divorce is to hone your skills again to attract the opposite sex. This might not come naturally and it can add a great distress if you are not able to find a person who will respond to this. That is why it is best to try out online dating services first if the wounds of divorce are still too raw. This will eliminate the distress you might feel on attracting other people in bars.
Dating again after divorce is not a sin. You have your needs and you also need to move on with life. And so you have committed some huge mistakes in your love life but this doesn’t mean you have no right to love again. Give yourself some time to heal and then pamper yourself with the thought of dating again. There are a lot of online dating services that can help you back on your feet so you don’t have to worry about not finding the perfect date for you.